“Toss a coin to your Witcher…”

Whoops. Did I just get that song stuck in your head? My bad…

What can I say about The Witcher? Well, the timeline is a mess of epic proportions, the plot points leave much to be desired, and Ciri is a pain in my butt, yet I’m counting the days until the next season comes out. Why??? What hold does this show have over me? I would have binged the entire season if I had the time. 

Since this was a show, I’ve decided to take a different approach and give you all my reactions to each episode. Warning - I didn’t hold back, so there are spoilers. 

It’s fun to review my predictions and see which ones I got right. I hope you enjoyed the show as much as I did. I’m dealing with a serious hangover right now and nothing I watch comes close to filling the hole The Witcher left.

Happy Watching 

Love Kait

*Since originally writing my reactions (all of which were done while I was watching the show) and talking with my friend that has it all figured out, I have a few new thoughts. Renfri was the intro to the prophecy that Ciri is apart of. Somehow her mom or grandmother skipped getting killed when all the other princesses were. There are definitely three timelines and Yennefer is the oldest.  Also, the reason that Yennefer wants a kid now makes a lot more sense. I still think that the way the writers went about trying to fit everything in wasn’t the greatest. Even I missed large clues in the show. They didn’t do enough explaining and expected the audience to keep track of all the names and places. Or they would say one single line to explain a very important motivation. 

Episode 1

• I loved Renfri and was upset when she died. Her story had a lot of room to grow. I wonder if she’s going to come back in some way later.

• None of the decisions at the castle made any sense. Like… why did the guy kill himself instead of taking the poison? His wife saying they can make an escape just as the princess is escaping... I’m sorry, but I would try everything I could to stay alive. And how is it conceding, showing mercy for you citizens, if you fall out of a window?

• Everything felt convoluted, like they put too much effort into making it all conspicuous and cool, but in the end, made it annoying. 

• I really appreciated the fight scene between Renfri and Geralt. Their injuries were realistic in a sword fight. The movie aspect was removed. 

Episode 2

• Yennefer is annoying and I can see what they’re trying to do with her character from a mile away. 

• The bard is at least adding some comic relief.

• Elves now! Seriously… I wasn’t already struggling with the world or anything. Now there’s all this elf stuff added in that wasn’t mentioned in the first episode. Can’t they see that it all seems a little spoofy? Not even the makeup was done that well. We’re bordering on SYFY Channel level cheesiness - the Hallmark equivalent of the sci-fi/fantasy realm.

• I think the producers and writers are trying to make this the next Game of Thrones. Too bad they lack the talent to get it there.  

• Who names their horse Roach?

Episode 3

• What?!?!?! There’s another Witcher????

• They definitely came up with some interesting monsters. I applaud their imagination. 

• Incest… really… there you go trying to compete with Game of Thrones. I can’t say that no one can have incest now, but this just feels over done. (edit… I have now learned that this book was written before Game of Thrones. So ya… still, it feels like they’re over compensating.)

• So Yennefer’s journey begins. I didn’t see this at all. It’s all a surprise. But first… let’s fix her with magic. 

• Geralt has a thing for protecting princesses now. I wonder where that came from?

• Here is the level of quality and darkness that I expected, especially if you want to compete with the greats.

• I hate to admit it but I’m intrigued. 

• Where was the bard this whole time!?!?!? I miss him. 

Episode 4

• I’m lost and I have no idea how I even got here.

• I must admit that I watch this solely for the bard now.

• How many kingdoms are there????

• What is even going on anymore? I’m so confused. I can’t say that I even know what’s going to happen next. 

• The Gift of Surprise is really confusing, but I think I’ve figured it out in the end.

• OMG he gets the next child! How hilarious. 

• I’m starting to like the two timelines.

• Yennefer is turning out to not be as I expected.

• I’m really hooked now. This is the turning point. When can I watch the next one. Hell, I need to rewatch them all to get the little pieces that I missed

Episode 5

• Forget everything that I said earlier. The timelines are weird and I don’t understand what’s going on.

• Elves again!

• Yennefer wants to be a mom!?!?!? Nothing makes sense anymore. The characters are flopping around like fish. 

• Ahhhhhhh… Geralt really does care for the bard. Let the bromance commence.

• Right when I think I understand what’s happening, they change the game - again. They throw wants around like seeds in hopes that one of them will take root, and then expect the story to grow along with it. Nothing is remotely cohesive. 

• Is Yennefer going to have Geralt’s baby?

• Can we skip over the Ciri stuff? What a brat for forcing Dara to leave.

Episode 6

• The cast is too large…

• Geralt is going to compete against his girl?!?!?

• Oh joy. More Ciri.

• What a jerk killing the poor creature. Really sets the stage for who he is.

• You go Dara. Stand up for yourself.

• Ha ha ha. Yes! The knight was killed the way he deserved.

• Geralt and Yannifer are adorable.

• Yennefer accepted her choice to not have kids. The guy even asked before he did the procedure. This is the second contradiction in the show. And a lot of Yennefer’s choices are made based on this want which is hard to get behind.

• Why did they let go?!?!?! It seems so pointless.

• Eeeeeeeck. I love love. Give me all the love.

• Where is the bard during all of this dragon business???

• So the old guy is a gold dragon!!!! Everything makes so much more sense now.

• The bard is the exact representation of how I feel right now. I would give the same reaction in his shoes.

Episode 7

• What... just... even... happened...?

• Okay… so we’re back in the past.

• I feel like this queen is really the bad guy. She’s willing to fight destiny just to keep her granddaughter, essentially putting her in more danger.

• Geralt could have protected Ciri this whole time?!?!? She didn’t have to go through all of the pain she has?

• I can’t believe the queen tried to trick Geralt. You should have known it wasn’t going to work. Destiny has different plans.

• I wouldn’t be that nice to Yennefer after the way they ended things.

• He was downstairs that whole time?!?!?!

• Why did you go inside Geralt?!?!

• Things are beginning to line up. I’m just confused as to why Geralt hasn’t tracked Ciri already. 

• Clearly something has control over Ciri. The same thing that her mother had. It doesn’t make much sense yet. Is it Destiny herself?

• One more episode...I’m really curious about where it’s going to leave off. 

Episode 8

• Oh toss me some leather pants my Witcher. 

• Don’t tell me the dead are going to start coming back to life too?

• Ugh… yup… we now have zombies. What does this world not have?

• I don’t trust the farmer lady.

• Why did the horse have to die too? Couldn’t it have run off or something?

• Yennefer has the best costumes.

• Watch… Geralt is going to the same farm where Ciri is.

• Don’t ask anymore questions, because there are no more answers.

• Noooooooo…. Don’t leave Ciri. Geralt is coming for you. 

• I just want Geralt to find Ciri for himself. Not for her. Not for destiny.

• So, like, Yennefer is going to play her mom now?